The Sloppy Top Twenty: One Fan's Favorite Episodes of the Bodega Boys Podcast
Once upon a time, there was a “bodega” on my southern, historically black campus. It was a small, brick-housed shop annexed to the small café on the west end of campus, the hood side. Pretty sure it was officially named something else, but the campus yankees probably bestowed the beloved title of bodega to that small convenience shop. No cats perched upon shelves, but the occasional cat call was likely outside its single door. No loosies, hookah accessories, or Beck’s on deck. You’d have to take your ass to the 7-Eleven for that. But it did sell condoms, so shout out to safe, consensual sex. In that campus corner shop, the campus hospitality workers would serve a slew of black and brown students until the midnight hour. It served us all, from the most studious to the super smacked, and everyone in between. On a busy weeknight, the checkout line would trail out the door, especially after mid-autumn nights when the marching band got out of practice. At the time, it was just a spot where I got my apple juice and meatball marinara subs. An area and an era seemingly taken for granted. From what I understand, that beloved bodega was later turned into a campus hibachi spot or something. Wow. Even HBCUs are being gentrified?
I digress. I don’t wish to stake a claim in NY’s bodega culture. Just making a connection.
It wasn’t until 2016, when a guy to whom I used to send “wyd” texts made a suggestion that I check out the Bodega Boys podcast. You had me at “bodega,” I thought. The name itself took me back to a time of sophomoric humor and debauchery, something I needed in my post-grad, corporate professional misery. He spoke of Desus and Mero highly, and often. After a group baecation, Mr. Wyd decided to play some episodes on the four-plus hour drive back home. Our mutual friend, who swiftly redirected our route to Smacked City, began his Ben Barson imitation. Talking about baby wombats and cerebellums. The two exchanged insiders and references and I sat there, trying to piece together their excitement. I listened to it all passively. The extended jokes and insider lines flew over my headwrap, not to mention I wasn’t much into podcasts at that time. I was put on to a pod in the past, and it was a scream, but I figured podcasts were just a tiptoe away from being bound to a rocking chair, listening to talk radio with an afghan draped over my once-good knees. And I am washed, but not that washed. Or so I thought. Mr. Wyd presented the list of episodes and told me to pick one, any one. I chose the title that nearly made me choke.
“Bodega Dick Pills.”
We listened, we laughed on the road back from the beach getaway. Though that later resulted in the amicable ending of our years-long situationship, no ire here. Actually, I’m pretty grateful for him. Not just for all the back-blowing since undergrad, but for exposing me to the brolic brand, the hive life, the redefinition of art. Shout out to you, *name redacted*, with your fit and fine self.
Now, back to me. I began to really acquaint myself with their content months later, in the midst of a deep anxiety and depression collaboration. I was partially employed, after having quit my corporate writing gig, balancing the familiar tightrope of brokeness, and frustrated with the world and my place in it. As an escape, I buried myself with episodes of their show on *redacted* network. When I found myself all caught up with those episodes and extended interviews, I was in dire need for more of their special brand of humor. And then I remembered, the podcast!
Just like when Mr. Wyd tried putting me on, I started with a random episode to get my feet wet. (Advice I recommend to those who haven’t listened yet.) A dipped toe quickly turned into an Olympian dive into their aural art. I was actually so washed in my late twenties that I was able withstand days, nay, weeks of near nonstop listening to these two, Desus and Mero, go in on a myriad of topics. The Bodega Boys’ humor, hot takes, and first-wave millennial references staved off a lot of alienated despair. Their cathartic black rhetoric is, to say the least, invitational, in that they share their experiences and Bronx wisdom and mold them into their own respectable school of comedy thought. They are the epitome of quick wit. Their minds go a mile a minute with arbitrary, million-dollar ideas on a speedway of ambition and proven success.
Now, listen. I got the idea to write this in celebration of their 100th podcast. That was 2018. Then I returned to this as the duo approached their 200th podcast episode. And by then, the Rona had foiled their book tour and nationwide live show tour. They left the hood and moved up to the deluxe Showtime slot. And I found myself in a brand new full-time position in higher education that takes up most, if not all of my time I’d normally spend toiling through a writing process. However, three whole-ass years later and here I am. Back to the draft. Don't judge me, okay? It’s taken a lot of revisiting of episodes. A lot of roundtrips to Smacked City with ideas floating in abstraction. A lot of reordering and renumbering, and a lot of just saying “fuck it!”. But Desus used to say a lot, "we're all riding our own horse," and you know what? My horse gets spooked by its own reflection sometimes. Another reason I enjoy the Bodega Boys podcast: the two are not afraid to confront and clown the mind demons that try to scam us into believing that we are not who we know we are meant to be. Their god-tier knowledge darts can be quite transformational if you let yourself get lost in the laughter.
In no particular order, I’ve identified some twenty of my favorite episodes of the podcast, which was no easy feat. I had to think about which episodes resonate most with my sense of hilarity and my, washed references and allusions. At first I was fixed on just 10. And then 15, and then 25. And now, I've decided on an even twenty. I listened to these episodes over and over and over again. I’d reach the most recent episode and then think, you know, let me go back and listen to episode 20- or 80-something to make sure I didn’t forget anything. And I’d find myself spiraling down rabbit hole, marveling their audio art all over again, beginning to end.
If you’re not familiar with the podcast, I suggest you pick any of the over two-hundred and fifty episodes they’ve recorded over the years. But if you’re asking me specifically where to start, pick any one of the following to get your fix. You can take my brief descriptions for some episodes as either spoilers or recaps of my favorite moments and analysis. Either way, enjoy the art and the aural pleasure that is the Bodega Boys podcast.
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Episode 238: “H.N.D.”
Episode 193: “Quarantine Boyz”
Episode 28: “Knickfatuation”—I am my father’s daughter, and my father is a Knicks fan. He falls into this dysfunctional honeymoon phase of hate-loving the Knicks. Yet and still, the Knicks fan will forever ride for their team. This is also the episode wherein Desus recounts his first glamping experience. The guys then give us the image of ursine wildlife pulling up to a glamp site for some cut. Mero’s contagious laughter and the egging on the visual of a bunch of animation and live-action ursine mammals, weaving through traffic and running red lights to pull up and smash, make for the most memorable laughing fit I’ve experienced in a long time.
Episode 96: “Washedmageddon”—Desus and Mero introduce “Washedmageddon” by shining a light on the sad saga of Michael Anthony Prosciutto, son of fictional dick bag cop Officer Prosciutto. He castigates his poor mother while still depending on both her unconditional love and access to the Naloxone. For those who revile the irreverent duo for making light of the unfortunate opioid epidemic, Mero reminds us that people cared very little for victims of the crack epidemic. Hell, we still seem to show little empathy to those addicted to hardcore drugs. But what I appreciate about the two is that they call it as they see it and set-off the problematic light at the drop of a joke. The Bodega Boys use their hilarity to make us think about not only the victims of America’s drug war, but those who relentlessly defend systems that fail to properly care for lives impacted by the ravages of addiction. (Best washed reference: Goofus and Gallant from Highlights magazine. Feel free stop reading if you’re too young to recall Goofus and Gallant and Hidden Picture puzzles.)
Episode 62: “Dickelodeon”
Episode 67: “Butt Boys”—Okay, so I’ll explain. “Butt Boys” is the title of Desus and Mero’s brainchild, a Dickelodeon original. My guess is it’s like a kid-friendly Assy McGee, if you’re old enough to remember that sort of washed-ass reference. You get really wild images like that in this episode. Another: Chris Hayes bogarting computers to play Oregon Trail in grade school. And Desus makes it clear in this episode how his people feel about eating pussy, apparently, an impeachable offense among many West Indians, who will resort to powdered wigs and a not-so-fair trial.
Episode 88: “Brazy Roulette”—This episode is actually one of the first ones I listened to in its entirety.
Episode 240: “You Tee Eyes” — Desus and Mero come up with yet another million-dollar idea of the new adventure “Desus & Mero Go to Hell.” They theorize hell is actually a “mad chill” all-inclusive resort-like afterlife, where Satan is a shitty SoundCloud producer and makes you listen to his horrendous beats as your eternal sentence. It may be the most hilarious depiction of hell I’ve ever heard, and it even made my devout boyfriend chuckle a bit, so you know it’s real.
Episode 48: “48 Laws of Power”
Episode 54: “Shouts to Gelato”—Desus and Mero cover everything in this episode from the reason why maternal guilt is just something we have to accept sometimes to weeding out the 53 percent in any crowd. Some other brainchildren of theirs were found in this episode, like The Smacked Report on NPR, and the whitewashed biopic of their podcast’s dissent.
Remember the time Desus and Mero low key predicted the Parkland school shooting? Yeah. That happened. They make poignant points about the sorry state of our country’s priorities when it comes to their sacred second amendment.
Episode 80: “Period Dicks”—Only Desus and Mero can go from reminiscing about mini backpacks to male menstruation in a matter of seconds.
Episode 244: “B.G.D.C.”
Episode 70: “Blaquepack ft. Feeno”— Their first podcast guest was Arian Foster
Episode 91: "Goonuber”
Episode 75: “Pizza Jumanji”
Episode 73: “bumbaclots!”—You ain’t ever had Bumbaclots?
Episode 74: “Bodega Dreams”—Although Desus claims this episode, as several others, as a weak episode, it’s definitely one of my favorites.
Episode 57: “Heavy Nut”
Episode 41: “Rob 80k”
Episode 39: “The Xandman”—This episode is one of the lit-est. The title hints to the birth of one of the most explosive AKAs in all sixteen or so minutes of aliases. It all kicks off with one of the biggest Bodega Hive fatwas in the podcast. I don’t want to spoil too much of this one. Just go listen to this one for yourself.
Episode 92: “Episode 47”—Twas the day of last Christmas and a new episode dropped. Not a creature was stirring shit, and no more shit was popped. The energy was maintained with Bronx-like care, in hopes that niggas in gaming chairs will remain there, square.
Episode 76: “Trust the Process”—I promise, this has nothing to do with my essay “Trust the Hiring Process,” but feel free to check that out if you’d like.
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Because I can’t help but go over my own self-imposed limit, here are some honorable mentions:
Episode 63: “Vegas Baby”
Episode 26: “For My POCs” — In this one, we learn that Beyonce sneezes. And the soundtrack to Desus’s life apparently consists of a frequent feature of introspective Vince Guaraldi music.
Episode 65: “Jew Bang” — Four words: Real nigga nursery rhymes!
Episode 14: “Just the ‘Tep”—I’m pretty sure this is the first mention of Heather’s choach as a podcast sponsor. In this one, the Boys discuss the goodness of half off holiday candy. I personally died of laughter, and still do, when the guys recount finally meeting Tyga and Mero saying he has UNICEF legs.